Thursday, November 06, 2008

The New Me

I've been re-invented. I don't know if any of this will last, but the old me has died. The woman that wore a sweater all winter instead of a coat, is no more. Now I want wool and I want it all over me, and I'm COLD and it's not really winter yet.

I love learning and want to do some extra things. I added doing ONE thing to work, by adding the art class. It's too much. I'm just dead on my feet.

The woman that could go like the Energizer Bunny for days (yes, really) on end and sleep just a few hours and keep on going, now goes to bed at 9PM.

The person that used to be very low maintenance, now is a high maintenance woman.

The control-freak-planner is now a woman that lives with ambiguity in so many ways.

The lifetime insomniac is now a nap-fiend.

The perfectionist aspires for adequacy...might I say mediocrity.

My steel trap brain, is now a sieve.

I mean, the surgery and chemo killed the old me. Whoever this is that I am now, I'm learning who this is and figuring out how to live in this body. It's like I crawled back into the womb and have been reborn as a different person, but with my life experience and expectations, I'm also frustrated. I'm not sure where the old me went, but whoever this cold woman is that is learning patience and loving naps.....I guess I better get used to her!

Better to be an ambivilant noodlehead and alive than have all my previous characteristics and be wonding which outfit to wear to my funeral.

3 comments:

Watercolor said...

I know the feeling. It sucks. Google the spoon theory. It is a great explanation for how this feels. Or there is a link on my blog on the right under the IH links.

Susan said...

Wow, who knew all of your defining characteristics were living in your boobs! A whole new person, I guess you could look at it with a glass half full perspective, like your life has a do-over! Hi, I'm Susan, nice to meecha new Joann.

Amber said...

I feel your pain. Basically everything you said could have described me, only mine is because of the pregnancy. Here's hoping that yours will pass in the coming months just like mine will!