Tuesday, May 26, 2009


I realized when I went to the police today that this phone harassment has been going on for THREE years! What a dork I am for putting up with this for so long! A police officer likely went to see him today though, and I'm hoping that will take care of things.

Breast Cancer Survivor Support Group tonight. Almost didn't make it because I dozed off after next-to-no sleep last night.

Two more work days, and I'm outta there!

On June 13th I'm going to take a Science exam to see if I can qualify to teach Science. History teachers are a dime a dozen, but Science teachers are harder to come by. I'm also signed up to get an endorsement for teaching gifted. I'm trying to make myself as indispensable as possible. I'll surely end up with some weird sets of qualifications. The gifted endorsement is a given. The Science ... that'll be harder. If I don't pass it this time, I'm going to surrender.

A meeting tomorrow, another on Thursday and pack up my room and I'm done. I also get to meet my soon-to-be foster "child's" judge on Thursday for the first time. The judicial system keeps a close eye on foster kids these days, which I think is good! I have three more big homework assignments to turn in to DFCS and then my application will be complete. Those homeworks will get tackled next week.

Monday, May 25, 2009


Well I've been trying to rush to the end of the school year without faltering. I think I made it to the end without the kids without fainting or just not being able to get up one morning. I have three more days and a few meetings to do, and I am pretty sure I can get through them.

I recorded it, and have saved it back for a couple weeks until I felt emotionally strong enough to handle watching "Farrah's Story." I watched it tonight (Memorial Day) and I am very blessed. She was diagnosed with stage IV at her first diagnosis. I am blessed to have been diagnosed with probably stage II.

It was frightful to see how much suffering she has gone through in order to try and continue living. Clearly the time has come where treatment is no longer worth the hassle. Interestingly, my motto, was expressed similarly by her, but is summed up as "All days on this side of the dirt are good." As a movie star she said it more nicely.

It's nice to have the financial where-with-all to go anywhere in the world to get treatments. I'll have to make do with American treatments, all of which are FDA approved and therefore 10 years behind the rest of the world. With luck, I'll never have to find out what comes after what I've already had. Cancer doesn't care who you are or what kind of money you have, or how beautiful you might be/have been. It doesn't let you keep your dignity, your hair, or all your parts. Suddenly things you thought you'd take to your gave, precede you in death, and you hope you're not going to be right behind them.

I've always hoped that I'd never be able to say, "What was that?" and just wake up dead. No big transitional thing... but I think cancer probably robs you of that kind of opportunity. My grandma went a pretty awful way. It took her 10 awful, horrendous days to die. Farrah has managed to drag it out for two years and to have some nice times in-between the awful stuff. Ultimately though, her thoughts and feelings are those of lots and lots of those afflicted with cancer and those who hope they have overcome it.

I hope she can just take lots and lots of morphine and surrender. It can be a gentle slide, I think. It appears she's still struggling to stay on this side of the veil. Doesn't seem like she is likely to have many more days with us though. In one hour's time, 5 people will die of some kind of cancer, and in that same hour 30 more people will hear the words, "You have cancer." At least I think that is what Oprah quoted.

Just as I've been stuck by lightning and lived to tell about it, I hope to be able to live a long time to tell the story of being struck by cancer and surviving it. I bought a lotto ticket tonight, but I'd rather live the "life" lotto. So would Farrah.

And as I write this bit of emotional stuff, a student that has repeatedly called me and called me and called me -- before I got sick, while I was in treatment and then.....a pause and some quiet. I sat behind him at graduation on Friday night, and was surprised to feel so much bile inside me against him. I know who it is. I can't prove it. I can't do anything but change my cell number to stop it. I thought at graduation, "He's maturing and growing up and maybe isn't so bad anymore." But tonight as the phone rings and he "stalks" me with his adolescent pranks, I know that he is really, through-and-through, just a plain old asshole. I've never "encouraged" him by responding back. I've always just hung up. Tonight I told him where I thought he'd reside upon his release from this life. While I pray for compassion for myself, there is a great part of me that hopes his Karma kicks his ass!

Wednesday, May 06, 2009


Well, I went through the colonoscopy and they kept me asleep and the results are all good. THAT is a good thing.

Slept most of the afternoon. Have to grade some papers and do an IEP and stay late to do two IEPs tomorrow. Just a little pressure. Back to the grind tomorrow.

Relieved to have this over with. Very relieved.

Enjoying some goofy games on Face Book.

Now it's a race to get through Tomorrow and Friday and then Saturday I'm cleaning and going to a baby shower. I'm actually looking forward to the shower. Something fun about the positive expectations. Babies make everyone smile.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Hor de Ourves

Or however you spell it. I've been putting out sunflower seeds and I've been getting birds. Thelma the co-owned cat is also getting birds. I saw her Sunday hiding in the really high pansey's, unmoving, just wating for birds to come get seed. So I took the pansey's up today so she can't hide in the foliage quite as easily. I don't like the idea of serving her up hor de ourves avian style.

Off from work for two days to get some testing done. Not really excited about it because I've had adverse issues in the past with this test.

Will try to use tomorrow to grade papers, do some other paperwork, and maybe clear off the dining room table. That presumes I can. Not sure I'll feel all that great.

More rain coming our way. You can practically watch the grass grow right now. My birdhouse gourd plants are growing while I watch them. Everything is just soaking wet.

My next door neighbor was encouraging his dog to attack Thelma the co-owned cat tonight. His dog has been a huge annoyance here at the townhomes. I have heard rumors that they are moving. I hope so because their lack of respect for living things, is really getting to me. I feel sorry for their dog, but am getting pretty fed up with it annoying me and the rest of the neighbors.

God, I hope my students are relatively decent tomorrow and Wednesday to those taking the class. I don't expect they will be, but I can hope. There are 13 more days of school, and the students already thing they are on summer break and they are being very uncooperative. Very rowdy and very uncooperative.