Saturday, March 15, 2008

Light at the End of the Tunnel

The light at the end of the tunnel -- I've been told I can see it now. The question I have is, is it the light from the other side, a freight train coming at me, or the tunnel they say you go through when you die?
Fat people are more likely to have their cancer come back. Of course that study was done on people with advanced BC, but if you stop and think about it, fat folks have twice as many cells in their body as the average Joe or Jane, so they have twice the chance of a cell going haywire. So maybe I'm in for a long and painful death unless I lose a dramatic amount of weight.
Maybe it's a freight train coming at me? A long life managing a fight against recurrent cancer? Perhaps it is just the ordinary statistical crap that gets thrown at someone that's alive like flu, breaking a hip or getting hit by a meteorite.
Maybe it's just getting through the tunnel of cancer and coming out ont he other side with the choice to live life to the max and enjoy the light? It's really hard to have any idea, and I think the illusion that I can discern what any of the options are is probably more likely a dillusion. Just live until I can't anymore.
I do think if I was thinner around the middle I'd have a beter life. Even though I've changed my eating habits since getting cancer, I'm not exactly dropping pounds dramatically. I have to wonder if I did lose weight would I be more likely to extend my life? I'm thinking, yeah.
The time change has me all screwed up. It's 8 PM but it feels and looks like 5PM. No wonder I can't sleep until something like 3AM. I need my internal clock adjusted.
Tomorrow is Palm Sunday. I'm looking forward to seeing what Liam thinks of the procession into the church and how he does with going back after being away for several months. It'll be interesting no matter what.
Ishihara's test for color blindness is copyrighted so I won't put it here. But someone who has less respect for the copyright law has put some of it here. One reason it is interesting is that the last picture in the series -- I can't see the "5." Yet, I've never considered myself colorblind or even color challenged. I can perceive the other figures more or less OK. Very confusing. Makes me ponder if I have a gene that could be passed on.
Today was a good day to be a bum and get my energy back after a couple of busy days. Romeo is still gimping around. I might have to get him one of thos doggie/kitty stair steps to help him get up on the bed or something. He's having a hard time. He also has a tough time getting up on the bay window kitty bed. That's only about 20 inches off the floor. Hummmm. He definitely needs to take a turn for the better. Soon.


Amber said...

Don't quite know what to say about the tunnel. That's some deep stuff that requires a lot of thought... However, I will say that my best advice to anyone is to have no regrets. I believe that applies here.

May I suggest from experience that you do a ramp instead of stairs for Romeo. It will feel better for him, and be much easier for him as he ages. A 1x6 or 1x8 board cut to the right length should work. Might want to cover it with a cheap carpet remnant so it's more pleasing to Romeo's feet and your eyes. Then attach one of those rubber doorstops at the bottom to keep it from sliding.

Just make sure it's not pressure treated lumber (the chemicals are not good for him or you).


Anonymous said...

You're going through a LONG, dark tunnel, there is no end in sight, you just keep going, going going. Then all of a sudden you see a tiny glimpse of light-- the hope comes creeping back into your life because you won't have to be surrounded by darkness anymore. It gets brighter and brighter until you are finally out of that tunnel and BLAM, you are back to living without any gloom and hopelessness.
Come on down and chill on the beach!
Love from Leslie