Thursday, February 28, 2008

Depressed

Going at 6am tomorrow to let the doc poke some holes in me and get the fluid build-up out. I can hardly wait.

I'm 7 weeks out from chemo. I'm 4 weeks out from major surgery and general anesthesia. I want to be ME. I want to feel like ME. I want to have energy again. I want my life to get bigger because I can do more. I'm frustrated because my life is still small because I can't do much before I have to go home and take a nap.

This too shall pass, but I want it to pass now. Right now. And I don't want to have to wear the chest binder anymore either. It hurts and makes me feel like I'm going to suffocate, but if I don't I'll build up fluid again -- and I don't want to force Jenn to drive 130 miles round trip for the doc to poke holes in me again, so I have the suffocating, uncomfortable binder to look forward to as soon as they drain off the fluid tomorrow. Oh joy!

2 comments:

Susan said...

You are always so positive, it is okay to be depressed some time! Hopefully you will feel much better after getting the fluid out, and can enjoy a good weekend. Like you said, this too will pass. Focus on the perks of this trip - I bet you get to go out to eat! Thinking of you, hope you have a good day.

Allen said...

I was told by a preacher friend years (decades) ago something that I have taken to heart. The best words in the bible are:

And it came to pass.

So yes it will pass.