Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The Scary Part is Coming

I talked to the scheduling person at the surgeon's office, and I get my last ultrasound of the tumor, and a consult on Thursday of next week. She'll show me where she will cut, and we'll discuss expectations. I'm hoping for something smooth like this. Of course, I'll have some rolls of fat this person doesn't have, but I like the smooth way that the surgery has been accomplished.

No plastic surgeon in their right mind puts their less than perfect work on the web, so finding a picture of what I'm afraid I'll get, has been difficult. But, I'd say, this would be the fear.

The little circle on her upper right side is her port, and they're removing mine when they do the mastectomies. No need for any extra anesthesia or seperate procedures by taking out the port at the same time. Some women opt to get a tattoo over their old port placement. That's something that I'll have to think about a different day.

Fat people don't heal as well as well-proportioned folks, so I already know that I'm likely to have healing issues. I was astonished to find that one of the ladies at my support group was on the operating room table for five hours for her bilateral mastectomies. That's a tough gig for a fat, old girl like me, is my guess.

I don't want to have a negative attitude, but I do think it's important to be realistic about what can be accomplished. I don't want to get myself prepared to have smooth, and get wrinkled and puckered. I also know I have little to no control over what happens so I need to be accepting. Most surgeons talk about leaving dog ears and pie dough (really) that can be "revised" later. I'm not wild about the idea of "revision." I'm much more into getting it "right" the first time.

I have to trust that I've picked the right surgeon, and that she will do her best, and that her best will be something I can live with, and that I get to live with her work for a long time.

I think I have thrush in my mouth. I'm not sure. But I sure do have a sore tongue that is "coated." I've actually never seen thrush in an adult though, so I'm not sure in the least. Maybe I burned my tongue on something. Hard to know.

Had an x-ray this morning to see if we can figure out what's causing my persistent cough. Probably had my last massage before my surgery today too. It'll be a while before I can lay on my tummy!

I'm expecting the scheduler to call from the surgeon's office in the next short while and let me know a tentative date for the surgery. I'm not very good at being stoic at this point. I'm chicken. It's gonna hurt!


dgray1130 said...

Anne, I'm sure you have a wonderful surgeon and she will do her best. It's ok to be chicken! I would be too. Thank God you will be alive, and for pain pills! Love ya Diane

Judy from Caregivers said...

Ann, will be praying for you.
I know about fat-lady issues. Used to weigh 400lbs & lost half of that & even after some surgeries I have places that bother me. Had double breast reduction & abdominoplasty to remove fat "apron" (nice word for ugly reality). The scars are really bad on abdomen. Had healing problems in 3 places but surgeon was able to fix those OK. My boobs look good (or so I've been told) but I notice what I don't like. Thankfully no cancer issues so I still have the girls...though I had a biposy/lumpectomy that messed up the previous good work. I had a great female surgeon ~ glad you have one, they understand much more how we feel.
Hugs & prayers,

Susan said...

I know it is easy for me to say, not being in your shoes, but it seems the important part is not the cosmetic result so much as what you hit upon in your post:

"and that I get to LIVE with her work for a long time"

You might just have thrush, I type that quite a lot in my work, just tell your doc and they will give you something like Magic Mouthwash (not sure what that is, but also type that a lot!).

Keep up the positive attitude, think of all the perks - no more bras to bind or even to buy! I wonder how much boobs weigh - instant weight loss!

Just trying to cheer you up, sorry if I sound crass. Keep up the positive attitude, and confidence in your surgeon (I noticed you said 'she' - a good thing!)

Have a great day.