Raw Recruit

I'm feeling a little more like myself and really need to be getting some things done. I wanted to go grocery shopping today, but the idea of facing the world looking like I do is just a little more than my psyche can handle presently. I've tried my caps on and they look dorky. But then the shaved look is pretty dorky looking too. By tomorrow I have to figure out how to move through the world. I have things to take care of, and they are not all inside my townhome.

I talked to the oncologist today, and now that we know the results of the pathology report, we are not changing the course of treatment. I will continue to get the "A-bomb of chemotherapy." (The doc's metaphore.) I don't yet know how many treatments, but that's ok. I talked to the Human Resource person at the Board of Education, and she's going to help me file for disability. I'm hoping to pick up the paperwork from the doc tomorrow. Working right now is possible for some people, but not this person. I'm on FMLA right now. That only lasts 12 weeks, so I'm carried on through Christmas, but......that'll be about the time I'm probably doing some kind of surgical intervention. I hear the procedure I'm interested in will take about a month to recover sufficiently from to be able to return to work.

I've found a cyber community of breast cancer women who help me sort through information, support me in my frailty, and make me laugh often (www.breastcancer.org). I also have a chemo-sister that I can talk to who is about three months ahead of me on the treatment journey. It's good to have someone who can take away the fear of the unknown and give accurate information on what to anticipate. It helps emensely. EMENSELY.

Tomorrow I'm making a break for it, no matter how I look! I will not be kept captive by my own insecurities!