Thursday, September 27, 2007

Everyday is an Adventure

OK, today was the day that I got up and got out. I went grocery shopping. Now this seems pretty mundane, but for me it was THE moment when I exposed my bald self to the world. I also rediscovered the rubber legs. When I give out, there is no inner reserve to draw on anymore. When my body says I am DONE, it says so pointedly, and definitively. There is no, "Just one more minute," like when you were a kid and were trying to put off going to bed. I may want to stay one more minute, but done is DONE these days. A generous WW II vet put my groceries on the conveyor, the cashier called for a fellow to take my groceries to the car for me, and then I endured him telling me more than I wanted to know about everyone in his family and church that had cancer. It must be wonderful to live in a world where you know everything so clearly like the bag boy. Fortunately for him, I was too exhausted to tell him how stupid and naieve he was (they are different ideas). It's good for me to do everyday kinds of activities, but I see that I am going to have to do small trips, and not large expeditions to the grocery. Picking up 10 items at a time is probably much more manageable than shopping for an hour, which is really not so manageable.

Thank you MEM for the nice little book you gave me. I just opened it today. One piece of wisdom that I liked was, "Losing your hair is a bit like losing your virginity. It's never quite what you expect." [No More Bad Hair Days by Susan Sturges Hyde]

I am learning that I have the energy to do ONE thing in a day. I might do a little laundry. Or, I might get some groceries. Or, I might run an errand to Carrollton (the farthest away I trust myself to drive anymore). But I can not do two things, at least at this moment.

Thanks to R. for the lovely cards. Thanks to N. for the really great knitted cap! Arrived today and it's lovely and soft!

Last night I occupied myself working a crossword for the first time in a very, very long time. It's good mental exercise, and that's the only kind I can handle.

Today I bought some kind of little MP3 player gizmo to put some tunes on. I'm not sure I have it figured out yet, but I'm looking forward to a different passive activity other than mindlessly watching television. And, when I'm down and low and can hardly move it'll keep me company in an easier way too.

I'm not anywhere close to "normal," but I had enough energy to sit up, move around and go grocery shopping today. That's big stuff in my world these days.


Susan said...

Glad you got out in the world! A good test for your endurance, I guess. Baby steps.

I have an idea! Put a geocache near your house, and instead of folks just signing the log or leaving lame trinkets, they could leave you useful stuff like Imodium or TP or chicken soup. You might even get some neat hats...

geez, I hope you don't think I am making light of your situation, just trying to cheer up

Just to let you know you are being thought of - hang in there!

Joann said...

Hahahahahahahah!!!! YOU are TOO funny. The idea of a Cure Breast Cancer Cache isn't a bad one though! Keep 'em coming girl. I need all the laughs I can get!!!

Muuuaaahh haaaaaa haaaaaa.