I have not been writing and not been posting much because I've been in the fetal position wondering if I was in the process of dying a terrible death. While I certainly will die someday, I hoping for it to be some time in a far off future, not anytime real soon. My unexplained pain is still unexplained, but we do know some things it is NOT. My great fear is that the pain was caused by cancer. It is not. Phew! For the last while I've been waiting for various scans. The CAT scan is fairly definitive though. If there is cancer hiding out somewhere, it's not in my kidneys, liver, pancreas, bowel and various other organs and glands in the general area of the mysterious pain.
It's triggering more testing, but it's not for cancer. My kind of cancer often comes back in the first three years, and very often in the first year, so I was really, really holding my breath!
It's been a tough week, this week. I've not been on my toes as a grammy, or a mom, and maybe not the best colleague at work. I'm doing my best to hang on and just manage while dealing with the death of a very special teaching colleague that didn't show up to work yesterday. EMS was sent out to check on him, and at age 42, his body was found in his home. Not much is known, but it was apparently an unexpected death due to health concerns he'd been trying to address. He was a fun guy, and often embarrassed me whenever I did some small kindness for him, by yelling across the room, "I have told you lately how much I love you?" He brought a smile to my face, he brought food to my house last year when I was sick, he loved his son deeply and with abandon, and he just bought his girlfriend THE engagement ring this past Saturday and got down on one knee. She'd been engaged to him for five whole days. The students are devastated. It's just been a very, very intense few days. I'm well into OVERWHELM.
Two things made me happy today. One is that I didn't have a return of cancer. The other is that my hair is finally long enough that I can style it a little bit. For those of you who knew me back in my Georgia Tech days, I can almost style it in that way. I can't use a curling iron like I did back then because their hair is more fragile and less thick. BUT I can put it up on rollers while I'm dressing in the AM, spray with hairspray, and let dry. Take down rollers, brush and voila, I have a bit of a hairstyle! I'll take my victories where I can get them. Today I bought some hair rollers, a new brush and a comb. Yeah!
So, imagine me throwing confetti up in the air and screaming with joy. I'm releasing imaginary balloons, and sending up spectacular fireworks to celebrate the NON-return of cancer. Wooohoooooo!!!